Writing Critiques

I'm a firm believer in constructive critiques. I'll tell you what does and doesn't work for me, why it is(n't), weird formatting things that you might not have picked up on, etc. I won't say I don't like, unless I can tell you why.

But, the following had me dying with laughter and wishing that I wasn't so nice. Just for a day.

Comments on My Short Story I've Received From My Creative-Writing Classmates. By Robert Hinderliter

A hackneyed, masturbatory miscarriage of a story.

You have managed to coldly and persistently rape the English language for 17 pages. Congratulations.

The fact that this story exists is the ultimate argument against Creationism.

Your embarrassingly ineffectual and flaccid prose made me feel uncomfortable.

This smugly written tripe is an affront to the craft of writing and fails to meet even the most generous definition of adequacy.

Truly abysmal. Maybe singularly so.

You had some nice details.

I'm not even sure I've ever read anything that would justify a single one of these comments. If I used one, I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face.