5 Truths about Parenting

1. Mother and Father need to be in agreement as to the ideals taught to their offspring. I value sarcasm; he doesn't, therefore I get to teach the kids how to use it on him.
2. Most parents eagerly await the first words out of their child's mouth. Don't. Once they start, they never shut up. Unless they are a teenager, by which time they will have perfected the use of sarcasm in daily conversation.
3. Bribes work. Would you consider your paycheck any thing other than a bribe?
4. Good cartoons have structure, rising stakes, character development, etc. Use them for an object lesson. Ruin them just like schools have ruined your favorite books.
5. Paint is cheap. Your time is not. Just paint over the crayon marks and markers. Even better, take the crayons along the next time you visit the sadistic bastard who gave them to your kids. The paint is optional.

Only to be used by parents who truly understand both kids and the world today.