Monday, August 16, 2004

Deep Thoughts about Nutrition

After spending an extraordinary amount of time indoors, I've had some time to contemplate a few things. Television is a good promoter of deep thoughts. For instance, the state of Wisconsin is trying to "crack down" on non-seat belt users. A portion of their campaign includes a television ad showing two young guys being pulled over by a female officer. The officer chastises them for not wear their safety belts. They confess that they don't have a good reason to not wear them and promise to do so in the future. Not to mock the usefulness of safety belts (formerly known as seat belts,) but why is the state concerned with our safety? Wisconsin proudly touts the title of "Beer & Brat" capital. Are they safe? Of course, in proper proportion. Couldn't the same be said of safety belts? Safety belts are only necessary in an accident. The catch is that no one knows when they are going to have an accident. But no one knows when they are going to have a heart attack either. A large variety of food offerings could cause one or push the consumer over the edge. As a solution to this situation, I propose that eating patterns be monitored. Every time someone orders a meal that contributes to heart disease, attack, stroke, etc., a card should be swiped. Ideally the card would be an identification card such as a driver's license. But as long as it was universally recognized, any card would do. If this society existed, I'd want to work at McDonald's. Just so I could say, "I'm sorry, Mr. Consumer. You seem to be at your limit of Big Macs for the week. Would you like a fruit and yogurt parfait?" And then I'd duck.

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